For the last year there has only been one name dominating the field of dance music, Beatport No.1. The young and supremely talented producer from Detroit came into the EDM scene like a maverick renegade. He’s toured the world, collabo’ed with some of the finest minds in music; Madonna, The Rasmus, Bush and Oceansize have all received a kick into millennial times because of his genius. To say this guy is currently at ‘the top of his game’ right now is an understatement. However, all of two hours ago the ‘prodigal godfather’ of EDM announced his retirement.
We find out the reason why in this super-exclusive interview…..
Obviously an artist such as yourself doesn’t need our standard introduction question, so we’ll skip that and get to the big news. You are retireing?! Why?!?!
Swag. I got bored yo. Nobody is really competing with me anymore and that’s what edm is brah. It’s a competition! Who has the maddest stats, the sickest drops and illest beats. Nobody is even on the same level as me anymore. They are all what I call “Beatport No.2′s” and I don’t mean that like they are second in the Beatport chart… even though that is where they be at.. swag. I actually mean No.2 as they are doing No.2′s in their edm, so unswag.
You are retiring because you don’t feel the standards in edm aren’t very high? I’m high right now, swag. 4/20! 4/20! 4/20!Weed is so swag.
What I mean is you are quitting edm because you believe nobody can possibly compete with your edm? I already said that brah. You are so dumb. These other guys and their beatport no.2 edm, it’s hella-lame. They can’t take it to the next level like I can and after I made ‘The Perfect Drop’ it’s like, I don’t want to humiliate them with my skills anymore. It’s GAME-OVER for EDM.
‘The Perfect Drop’? What planet are you on brah? I made ‘The Perfect Drop’ about 5 days ago. It was part of my ‘make a track in 24 minutes’ project. Nobody could compete and I pwned them. Shit was swag. It’s already gotten 10,000 plays and nobody has commented because they all are probably crying about me leaving edm. I’d cry if somebody as awesome as Beatport No.1 left the edm game. Swagety-swag.
Stats nobody can compete with
It’s safe to say that you’ve accomplished much in your career, what was your biggest hightlight? It was probably my “Beatport No.1 and his Bitches” tour. It was hella-swag. On the tour bus Deadmau5 was always vlogging and one night when he was asleep I farted on his face and shouted ‘vlog’ when I did it. Skrillex filmed it. Swaglols. Will never forget those days, it was like charity, I was helping these young artists get some exposure. Jesuswag style.
What was your favourite artist collaboration/remix? The time I collaborated with myself on stage with a holla!gram. I even trademarked the name holla!gram. Made some sick cash from that. I’m always coming up with genius ideas that nobody can think of.
Yes. You also have ventured in the business world, what have you invested in?
I have a next level mind.I’m an entrepreneur, I own a ‘stratergy for digital strategy’ company called “Swag N’ Mirrors’ it will help edm artists of the future. They are gonna need all the help they can get now I’m not throwing them my tour bones. Awooga! Can we wrap this up now? Totes bored of these questions, it’s like you are my Dad or some shit. lolmonkeys.
Sure. If you had one message to leave the world what would it be? You can’t compete with Beatport No.1 because he is much more swagger than you are. Even now i have finished I am still the greatest.
Thanks to Beatport No.1 and his company ‘Swag N’ Mirrors’.
And I can think of no finer way to end this post…. enjoy.